Friday, October 01, 2004


You know you're a Republican when . . .

Don't you just love double standards? Labeled as "unfair" by legions of liberals and "intellectuals," double standards are a necessary and practical methodology for the supervision of a nation:

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
The United States should get out of the United Nations, even though our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
Standing Tall for America means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.
The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins -- unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.
A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
You support states rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.
What Bill Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital national interest, but what George Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

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